Hey look at that, it’s Wednesday. That means it’s time for What the Hell Wednesday. What the Hell!?! This Wednesday just came out of nowhere.  I know I usually do What the Hell Wednesday on Thursday because I like to be difficult different, but this week I decided to join the crowd (always keeping you on your toes).

The Small Town Ladies have only 4 1/2 days of school left. What the Hell!?! I know there are many school districts that have been out for a while but this is definitely not a case of misery loves company. Misery really appreciates having some alone time. That isn’t completely true (not the part about loving my alone time, just the part about losing it. I will lose it for a couple of weeks, but then camp starts).  I am not looking forward to the fighting.  Please share any tips to stop the fighting below.  If I get enough good tips, I will share them with everyone.

Cablevision is messing with me again.  I told you about when it yanked my Food Network and then again when its dispatcher tried to avoid fixing my cable because no one felt like coming all the way out to the Small Town.  This time, it has changed the signal so it can only be received if you have a box that has been issued by Cablevision.  I have 3 boxes that have been issued by Cablevision.  But I also have a television in my kitchen.  I don’t have room for a cable box in my kitchen.  But Cablevision doesn’t care.  So now I am examining my cable bill to see what else I can cut.  Every time Cablevision messes with me, it draws my attention to my cable bill.  And I cut my service.  While this saves me money, it seems to cost Cablevision every time.  Excellent business decision, Cablevision.  You really understand how to drive a business into the ground.  Well done.

So I looked into other options.  Remember rabbit ears?  Apparently they don’t work anymore.  Actually, the Small Town if too far from civilization so they never worked here.  Direct TV?  I can’t afford to cut down all the trees I would need to remove to receive a signal.  Comcast actually sends me promotional mailings but when I called to switch my cable I was told it doesn’t service my area.  So I am stuck with Cablevision or I might miss amazing shows like Extreme Poodles.

Did you see the pink Siamese kitty in the video above?  And Small Town Daddy has the nerve to object to shaving our cat (still not a euphemism, people.  We are rated G here in the Small Town).  At least I don’t want to dye him pink.  It’s all relative.

Now that you have finished here, head on over to Blue Monkey Butt to see what has everyone else saying, “What the Hell!?!”

Hey there, it’s Tuesday and welcome to Random Tuesday Thoughts.  The beeeuteeeful purple button tells you all about that.  So we are off to the world of random…

The Small Town ladies are on spring break this week.  Is it my imagination or does the school district just look for new ways to torture me.  I took the girls to the zoo yesterday and I have to tell you that I love the beauty of technology.  I have my office phone ring on my cell phone.  While I don’t actually answer my work phone at the zoo (all those animals in the background, oh, the animals on exhibit too), I know when it rings so I can instantly check my voice mail.  And the calls I got yesterday (both of them) were emergencies.  So I was able to call the client right back and look like I am all efficient, even from the zoo.  Now, if someone would just give the monkeys a fax machine I would never have to leave (there we go, the assistants I have always wanted and I can pay them in bananas).

So far we have lucked out with the weather.  Yesterday and today have been beautiful.  Since the only thing worse than having to entertain children for a week is having to entertain children for a week, in the rain.  Does anyone want to send me to Disney World for the rest of the week?

Have you ever seen the television program, “Private Chefs of Beverly Hills”?  It is hilarious.  The clients totally make me laugh.  I can’t imagine treating people the way they treat the chefs.  Some of my favorites include the woman who threw a party for a group of dogs and changed the entire menu after the guests arrived and the woman who made the chefs dress up in costumes.  You would think they would mention important details like that before the actual party.  If you haven’t seen it, check it out.

That’s it for me.  Don’t forget to check out Keely to see what she is randomly thinking about this week.  According to Keely, I am completely lame because I have written about the weather, but, hey I can’t help what I am thinking about.  I have no control over my thoughts.

Today is the first Tuesday of the new year so you are probably expecting great things.  I am sorry to disappoint.  It is time for the first Random Tuesday Thoughts of 2010, a bunch of stuff that isn’t long enough to merit its own post.  Random Thoughts is brought to you by Keely from The UnMom and the letter Q (just because I like the letter Q).

So after a week and a half of vacation, both girls had a delayed opening for school on Monday (because apparently school still didn’t want them back).  I have to remember to get off of that other school district’s phone list.  I am getting really tired of the phone ringing at 5:45 am to let me know that a nearby district has no school.  So far, the only time I remember is when schools are closed.

Thank you to everyone for your kind commiseration about my loss.  We are still suffering here in the Small Town.  Why can’t everyone just get along and why must the children be the ones who suffer?

I finally badgered convinced Small Town Daddy to load music onto my phone.  This means that I can make and choose my own ringtones.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

I mentioned last week that I have started working out with Wii EA Sports Active More Workouts (couldn’t the name be shorter?  It takes longer to type than to do the workout).  Libby has been enjoying watching me work out, while barking orders.  Imagine a 5 foot, 10 year old who weighs 85 lbs soaking wet, yelling, “More, harder, faster, mom, you aren’t doing it right.”  No jury in the country will convict me for causing bodily harm.

Why is it that the dog listens to me more than anyone else in the house?  The husband and kids tend to ignore, but the dog sometimes listens and even does what I ask.

Am I the only person who remembers the song Planet Rock by Soulsonic Force?  Thanks to the beauty that is YouTube, I can listen to it anytime I want.  In fact, I can even share it with you.  And you can choose to watch it or not, depending on your mood (no auto-play here in the Small Town).

That is it for my random thoughts.  My brain is now empty.  Head on over to The UnMom to see what the rest of the Internet is thinking about this fine chilly day.

I  missed What the Hell Wednesday yesterday.  That is because I had 2 children underfoot all day.  School was canceled because we got more snow than expected.  We got about 6 inches of snow.  Alright, all of you in the Midwest, stop laughing.  Here in the Small Town, snow is a challenge.

Now many people are not sure how to spend an unexpected day stuck at home with the children (without killing anyone).  As a service to you, I am going to provide you with a schedule on how to spend a snow day with your children without losing your mind.

6:30-7:00 am: Watch the local news to see if school is closed.  If you are like me, you somehow got on the phone list for a nearby school district and received a call at 5:45 am, telling you that that town has no school.  It has no bearing on my life, but I certainly appreciated the notification (especially at 5:45 am, you never know when I was planning a visit to another town’s schools).

7:00-8:00 am: Watch Small Town Daddy get ready for work.  Joanna enjoys barging in on him in the shower and if she isn’t rushing to get ready for school, she has plenty of time to barge.

8:00-9:00 am: Eat numerous breakfasts.  The Small Town Ladies are very picky eaters.  Coming up with breakfast must be planned with military precision.  They do enjoy the chocolate chip muffins from the grocery store, but how many of those can you feed a child before it becomes child abuse?

9:00-9:30 am: Try to get the fireplace lit.  We use the fireplace to help heat the house in the winter so really need it when it is cold.

9:30-11:30 am: Play Super Mario Brothers.  This takes longer than it should because it involves numerous arguments about who jumped on whom and caused them to fall off of a cliff.  For the record, Joanna quit 3 times when Libby yelled at her (she seems to have inherited her mother’s competitive nature).  During this time, I had to reload the fire twice.

11:30-12:00 pm:Have lunch.  It is amazing the number of dishes I go through when the ladies are here.  I had to run the dishwasher an additional time yesterday.

12:00-2:00 pm: Watch Happily N’Ever After.  If you have never heard of it, it is a really cute movie.  Cinderella leads a resistance against evil forces.  Yes, I know I am not supposed to use the TV as a babysitter, but anytime the kids had 5 seconds of downtime, the yelling and fighting started.  I needed to get some work done sometime.  Also, I was required to reload the fire twice during the movie.

2:00-2:30 pm: Make homemade hot chocolate.  After numerous attempts to find a recipe online, I ended up making up my own.  The others had too much extra weird stuff.  Here is my recipe:

1 1/2 cups plus a splash of milk
1/2 cup plus a splash of heavy cream
5 oz semisweet chocolate chips
A couple of teaspoons of sugar (to taste)

Combine everything in a pot and whisk until the chocolate chips melt.  Serve.

I started out really official, measuring everything carefully.  Then I started adding whatever I thought it needed.

2:30-3:00 pm: Shower.  A girl has to shower sometime.  Who cares if the day is almost over.

3:00-5:00 pm: Send kids outside to play in the snow.  It went pretty well except for the rodent they apparently squashed.  What kind of rodent runs out in front of a moving sled?  I bet you can imagine the trauma that ensued.

5:00-5:45 pm: Cook dinner.  We have to eat early on Wednesday night because Libby has her painting class.  Don’t think a little thing like snow is going to mess with the painting class schedule.  That would mean they would have to reschedule.  Too much hassle for what the YMCA pays its employees.

5:45-6:10 pm: Eat dinner.  Also, listen to complaints about dinner.  This one doesn’t like that thing, the other one doesn’t like something else.  It wouldn’t be dinner in my house if I didn’t get to listen to everyone complain about my cooking.

6:10-6:40 pm: Take Libby to art class.  I actually had to walk her into the building since I wasn’t sure she was having class because of the major thunderstorm we had during dinner (it was hard to hear the thunder over all the complaining).

As you can see, there was no time to blog or do anything else.  I didn’t even get to implement my big plan to get the girls to clean their rooms and put their laundry away.  Oh well, I am sure this isn’t the last snow day we will have this school year.

Hey there, it’s Tuesday and time for Random Tuesday Thoughts.  After today, there is only one more Tuesday until the Small Town Ladies return to school.  Not that I am counting or anything.  I was watching the news today and they were talking about the school districts that have kids going back to school today.  I knew we picked the wrong town when we moved here.

I know you are all waiting with baited breath for an update on my workout efforts.  This week, I actually missed 2 days (that’s right, I am a slug).  We took the in-laws away and I needed 2 days to recover.  I know, it sounds like I needed to recover from so much exposure to the in-laws, but actually I just didn’t get enough sleep.  Obviously, I am getting way too old.  Besides missing 2 days, Sven and I have been having a grand old time.  Although he still has his unnatural affection for lunges (people seem to agree with me that lunges are bad).  I am considering getting Sven into therapy.  Does anyone know a good virtual therapist?

This week is the week I allow Joanna to repay all of her social obligations (who knew a 1st grader could have so many social commitments).  Since I work from the house, I don’t let her have friends over very often (I know, I am an awful mother), but she gets invited out a lot.  That means I have to eventually invite those children over here to avoid her becoming a social pariah.  This is the week, so we will have 6 year olds under foot every day.  Have I mentioned how much I want school to start?

I was watching the news about a controversial new public service announcement pointing out that you shouldn’t text when you are driving.  For those of you who are apparently really, really dumb, taking your eyes off the road when you are driving is always bad.  It is even worse when you take your eyes off the road and your hands off the wheel.

Now that I have insulted a large portion of the country, I think I will go see who else I can offend.  Don’t forget to visit Keely, who I am sure would never call you really, really dumb.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. While I am relieved I can get a little more sleep because I wont have to make lunches and get everything together, I am sad because Libby has had such a great year.

Libby has an amazing teacher. I dont know how she does it, but she is great at encouraging kids and giving them self-confidence and self-esteem. Libby has become so confident and so grown up during the year. In our school district, school work seems to get more serious in third grade. Not only has she grown academically and learned so many great things, she has really blossomed this year. I can only hope next year will be half as good.