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Dec
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2008
Teacher Conferences or Who Are These Small People Living with Me Posted on 17:01, December 5th, 2008 by Small Town MommyThis week was parent/teacher conference week at the Small Town elementary school. For the kids, it means they get out early for most of the week. For the parents, it means we have to cart our carcasses up to the school to find out what is actually going on at school (as opposed to the report we receive from our children). We are very lucky. If a family has multiple kids at the school, the teachers schedule the conferences consecutively so we only have to make one trip. I know, I know, there are parents who normally make more than one trip to the school in a day. But you know what, I’m not one of them (let the critical comments begin). Today was the Small Town family conference. With layoffs taking place all over the country, we didn’t feel comfortable having Small Town Daddy leave work, so I went it alone. First I met with Libby’s teacher. Now Libby is in fourth grade, so this is not the first meeting I have had about her. I met with her teacher, we will call him Mr. D. My conference with Mr. D. was a recitation of Libby’s strengths. She has always done very well in school and her conferences are basically her teacher telling me how smart she is. This is what I have experienced for 5 years. It is what I am used to. It is what I have grown to expect. Then I went to meet with Joanna’s kindergarten teacher. We will call her Mrs. S. Now Mrs. S. very nice. And I can’t imagine her saying anything negative about anyone’s child, ever. But, it wasn’t the glowing report I was used to. It seems that all of that academic instruction she is trying to implement, has the nerve to cut into Joanna’s social time. She rushes answers so she can get back to socializing and sometimes, she doesn’t start assignments because she is socializing. Who is this child and where did she come from? She has the same mommy and daddy as Libby, she was raised in the same house as Libby, but I never received a report that Libby was socializing when she should have been working. With her teachers, it has always been about encouraging her to socialize. I don’t know what to do with a social butterfly. I can much more relate to a child who is socially reserved. Is anyone out there very social who can offer advise on what to do with a child who socializes too much in kindergarten (I wouldn’t have even thought that was possible)? While it is cute in kindergarten, it is probably quite alarming in third grade. This is not the report I want to continue to receive. Another problem, how do I downplay the importance of school work for a child who makes herself sick with anxiety while stressing its importance for a child who looks at it as an interruption of her social life. Believe me, I know that I am lucky that both of my girls are healthy, happy, smart little girls, and I am very grateful, but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about them. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t worry (yes, Libby comes by her anxiety genetically). I am open to any and all advice about what to do about my two little opposites.
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Yikes, that is a tough one. Two ends of the spectrum. I have 2 girls and they are both very different. I often wonder how this can be when they came from the same parents and were raised the same way. Then I tell myself, who am I kidding…I was much more laid back with #2 which is probably why she is the happy-go-lucky kid that she is, while #1 is kind of a worry wart. So, I have no advice, but at least you know there are others with the same problem out there!
My 2 boys are much the same…one super star perfect student and one who is a chit chatter… I think it is pretty common to have one of each!
My boys are both different that same way. As long as the youngest is doing his best (meaning his grades are not suffering too cad) I learned not to make such a big deal out of it. The teacher’s have consequences for talking too much, etc and that deterred him sometimes and other times not. Good luck
Yep, I have a social butterfly, one who will almmost cry if you talk to him and one who is inbetween. My advice? Talk to them at bedtime (alone) about what ever you need to and then try to worry about it too much. It’s only kindergarten..and although it’s hard to believe they will change a hundred times in how they behave and what they do before they graduate. Next year you may hear the complete oppositea bout both of them. A lot of it depends on their classmates and the teacher too. Unless she’s failing or burning down the place don’t stress, she’ll be fine.
Totally agree with the other comments! Did the teacher have any suggestions? We can really only do so much about their behavior at school, we can’t sit with them and remind them to be quiet. If she’s not falling behind, or holding the kids next to her back, I say just to remind her to focus on her work and be supportive of anything the teacher says. I really feel that if it was a big deal, she wouldn’t have waited for conferences to bring it to your attention.
My daughter is the princess at school, and my son LOVES EVERYONE. I can’t wait til next year when he goes to school O_o Like everything else, we’ll play it by ear.
I think Leanne has a great idea, talk to them one-on-one.
I have 2 girls also, and this works well. Also when they were in kindergarten, the teacher they both had was very very big on the socializing. Did not care for quiet types, and so that was our issue. Go figure, as they say.
I have 4 boys, and all of them are very different, and that is the fun of it. I think for your social butterfly, the teacher would have called you long before conferences if it was a huge problem. Kindergarten is most childrens first time to really socialize with their peers, and that in itself promotes a lot of learning.
For your other child who is hard on herself and perfectionistic, I think that it is important for her to observe how you handle your own mistakes and imperfections. Let her see that it is okay to make mistakes. Mostly, just enjoy their differences, because that is what makes each and everyone of us special.
Also want to say that I enjoy your blog very much:)
Take care
Gibby, I don’t understand how two people in the same house could be so different. My older one is a lot like me, but the younger is very different. I am so glad she is confident, but it is just very foreign to me.
Jenni, I have heard that from other parents, too, but I was an only child so I don’t have much exposure to it.
Melissa, apparently her whole class is very talkative so the consequences aren’t working that well so far.
Leanne, that is a good idea to talk to them at bedtime. My husband usually puts them to bed, but I may have to take over that duty.
Eryn, why can’t I sit there and monitor their behavior all day? I would love to be a fly on the wall. Although, both teachers are having parent volunteers so I will be able to spend an hour in each classroom a week.
Lidian, most of her teachers have loved Libby because she is so quiet and well-behaved. I can’t imagine them preferring the social, chatty type.
Angie, first, let me say that with four boys, you are obviously much braver than I am. The fact that you even make time to visit and comment on blogs implies that you are either superwoman or never sleep. Thank you for your advice. We spend a lot of time highlighting our mistakes for Libby and pointing out that no one is perfect. She says she understands until she makes a mistake and then she gets very upset. Glad you enjoy coming by, I love to have you stop by.
Thank you for coming to visit us Anne. Our mamas given name is Joanna but our grandpa called her Jodi all the time, so now everyone does.
I have the same here. My first and second are like night and day. I too am struggling with my second. She isn’t afraid of authority like number 1 is.
Trust me, all four of mine are completely different. It all goes back to the whole nature vs. nurture argument. Each kid with their own distinct personality will react differently to every situation. What can you do other than encourage her while stressing the importance of staying on task. As long as her grades are good, I don’t think a little socializing will hurt. I can understand you’re worry though, that it might get worse before it gets better.
My daughter’s not old enough for me to have any experience in this yet. I actually took the time to read the comments so I could pick up a tip or 2.
Davida